Secrets of a Fat Girl #8 - Swimsuits

#8 - All swimsuits are not created equal. In fat all suits will automatically look bad on you. Bikini's are a joke. Super cute, but also puts EVERYTHING out there on the table. Tankini's allow for more coverage, but tend to roll up into a bikini shape, or float depending on the type; still displaying the goods. One pieces are the safest bet, but are usually boring and don't hide much on your rear end. Swim dresses if you can find one in your size are the best, but when you get out you look like you just survived drowning in your clothes, causing people to stop and ask if your okay. If you managed to find a suit in your size the patterns range from polka dots to old lady floral couch patterns. Neither one something you'd wear even if you weren't fat.

Oh and if you try to hide under a cover up forget it. The only coverups that cover all your goods make you in turn look like your wearing a circus tent.

Secrets of a Fat Girl #7 - Booby Bomb

#7 - Sometimes I wonder what would be more embarrassing; eating wearing a giant bib to protect your boobs, or walking around with that mustard stain all day. Both automatically make you look like you're a pig, but when your big so are your boobs. It's pretty much like trying to disarm a bomb. Both require a steady hand, slow movements, and lots of prayer.

Secrets of a Fat Girl #6 - The Threshold

#6 - Being carried across the threshold after a wedding is nothing like the movies. First off your so tired, you can barely walk to your door and unlock it, much less be carried across it. And unless your man has been working out and training specifically for this moment it'll feel more like he's lifting a sack of potatoes, then glamorously carrying you to bed to ravish you as his wife. You can't blame him though, you're thinking the exact same thing as you're carrying those wedding gifts in.

Secrets of a Fat Girl #5 - Firecrotch

#5 - I had a friend that was born with red hair. One day I heard someone ask them if they had a firecrotch. Sadly my first thought was if they were referring to red chaffing and burning feeling you got when your thighs rubbed together after walking too long; not if they had red pubic hair. Much like camping and rubbing two sticks together, both could start a real fire for you.

Secrets of a Fat Girl #4 - On Top

#4 - It's hard for me to enjoy being 'on top' when all I do is worry if I'm crushing my husband. He doesn't complain, actually he complains I don't do it enough, but it's hard to focus on sexy times when I lose balance constantly from my misguided proportions.

Secrets of a Fat Girl #3 - Judgey

#3 - I'm guilty of judging other fat people. I have the judgemental mind of a skinny person, but I'm trapped in a fat girl's body. I don't care about their stories, why they're fat; I don't care about what they've done, or are trying to do to get in shape/be healthy. There is no "well I'm fat so I'll immediately bond with you and stick up for you" feelings. In fact a typical passing thought would be - 'At least I'm not THAT fat.' Am I proud of this? Not at all, but it's a lie to say I don't think that stuff from time to time.

Secrets of Fat Girl #2 - Balloon Girl

#2 - When I'm holding my husband's (who is skinny by the way) hand, I feel like I'm a helium balloon floating beside him by the way people stare at me. Yes, we are an interracial couple, but I don't believe that's why they are staring.

Secrets of a Fat Girl #1 - Trash Ninja

#1 - I hate throwing away food. I feel like people are judging as I make my mile long hike to the trash can for even eating anything at all today. Like it explains perfectly why I'm fat. I didn't know I needed to up my ninja skills just to take out some trash.